Book #26: The Reformed Vampire Support Group

Title: The Reformed Vampire Support Group

Author: Catherine Jinks

Date started reading: Feb. 20, 2012
Date finished reading:  Feb. 23, 2012

Publish date: September 2010
ISBN: 978-0547411668
Number of pages: 384

Official summary: "Think vampires are romantic, sexy, and powerful? Think again. Vampires are dead. And unless they want to end up staked, they have to give up fanging people, admit their addiction, join a support group, and reform themselves. Nina Harrison became a vampire in 1973, when she was fifteen, and she hasn't aged a day since then. But she hasn't had any fun, either; she still lives with her mum, and the highlight of her sickly, couchbound life is probably her Tuesday-night group meeting, which she spends with a miserable bunch of fellow sufferers, being lectured at. But then one of the group is mysteriously turned to ashes . . . and suddenly they're all under threat. That's when Nina decides to prove that every vampire on earth isn't a weak, pathetic loser. Along with her friend Dave, she hunts down the culprit ─ and soon finds herself up against some gun-toting werewolf traffickers who'll stop at nothing. Can a bunch of feeble couch potatoes win a fight like this? Is there more to your average vampire than meets the eye?" (http://www.catherinejinks.com)

Official book "trailer:"

How I obtained the book: Bought for $2.16 at used book store. I had never heard of the book, but I spotted it in the clearance section and after reading the cover description, I just had to buy it

Memorable quotes:

•  Critics quote on the cover from "The Bulletin" -- "Jinks takes readers on a wild ride... a first-rate comedy with equal appeal for avid vampire fans and those who wouldn't be caught dead with a copy of Twilight"
• "The plain fact is, I can't do anything much. That's part of the problem. Vampires are meant to be so glamorous and powerful, but I'm here to inform you that being a vampire is nothing like that. Not one bit. On the contrary, it's like being stuck indoors with the flu watching daytime television, forever and ever."
• "There's only one thing worse than being a vampire, and that's being an elderly vampire with bad hips."
• "When someone’s rattling on about blocked toilets, collapsing marquees, and penis-shaped birthday cakes, it’s hard to convince yourself that you’re in a life-or-death situation."
• "Welcome to my world. It's the kind of place where you can't do the simplest thing without risking a full-blown hemorrhage. God I'm sick of it."
• "As a vampire, the very worst thing that you have to deal with -- worse than the isolation, and the indignities, and the health problems -- is the fact that a large chunk of the world's population wants to kill you. For no good reason."
• "Don't ever believe that vampires are fearless. ... When the whole world hates you, fear becomes your friend." 
• "Never in my wildest dreams had I ever expected to run afoul of a genuine vampire slayer. Blade and Van Helsing are fictional characters, after all; they're not supposed to be walking around in real life." 
• "I've become more and more disillusioned, as I've discovered that glamorous vampires don't exist except in books"
• "Vampires make untidy houseguests"
• "In a dingy, well-worn, utilitarian environment like my mother's kitchen, vampires are all of a piece with the discolored grouting, the ancient electric jug, and the baked-on grease stains in the oven"

My commentary before reading it: Normally vampires are supposed to be scary or sexy or some mix of scary and sexy. This book goes totally against that, so I was interested in it from the minute I spotted it. The critic's quote on the cover (see the first quote shown above) really caught my attention. Anything that slams the "Twilight" crowd amuses me

My commentary after: MOST BORING BOOK EVER. Okay, maybe it's not the most boring book I've ever read, but it was damn close. I wanted to like it. I really did, but I couldn't. Maybe there is a reason that vampires are normally scary or sexy. These vampires are sure not scary or sexy. They are flat out pathetic and annoying cause all they talk about is how pathetic they are. The reviews talked about how funny the book was, but I don't see it. The first couple chapters were amusing to see the jokes cracked at the vampires' expense, but that got old quickly, and there was nothing funny from there. I was also a little annoyed by how it uses many slang terms/nicknames used in Australia. It makes sense just because it's set it Australia, but I had to drum up everything I've learned from talking online to a woman I've become friends with in Australia. It bothered me for some reason that they called drinking someone's blood "fanging" them. Saying "fang" them is so odd. Why not "bite" them or "drink their blood"? The vampires drink blood from guinea pigs. That's not even interesting at all. On "The Vampire Diaries," Stefan drinks blood from squirrels or rabbits or other small creatures that are at least somewhat interesting because you have to hunt them. Guinea pigs just sit in a cage. There's no hunt. There is no struggle. There's nothing interesting about that. It's just sad and pathetic, and kinda gross...

Buy on Amazon.com: The Reformed Vampire Support Group